Poem for Colin

Your father was as beautiful a man
as he was a child,
both physically and in innocence of spirit,
perhaps too pure
to have lived for long in this life.

His life was music
from the time he was a tiny child,
and he hated conflict,
which makes it tough,
if you have need to become an adult…

one reason, I believe, he taught children.

He did not like rhymes of the fire/desire kind,
but liked most music,
except maybe Country and Western.

His instrument was the organ
though he seemed purblind
when it came to competitive talent.
He could have been
among the top organists in the country,
(so his teacher said)
but he had no desire to compete.

Another reason to teach!

As a person, he was more than careless,
not concerned with clothes,
the car he drove, or his house.
Irresponsible in daily life,
he was the opposite when he taught:
a creative and beloved teacher.
He had one close friend.

From the time he was young,
he was private.
It’s possible he feared what he was,
preferring the actor’s role.

I’m inclined to think all his life was made up of acting.

I know he thought me ashamed
though I told him not.
Indeed, I hoped
he would find himself a male partner.
Then he had you
and the doors for his future clanged shut.

His love for you became a prison.

So, now, both of you are taken from me.
It is sad to say,
since you lost a whole loving family.
What a stupid waste!

I'm sorry for the loving you missed.
It was not my wish,
but it's clear:
you weren’t offered much of an option.

If I we never meet, So long.
Be yourself, be strong;
find love that is freely given.
Avoid obsession.